grandpa died on sunday. it was....probably the worst kind of expected.
[literally the day before, we were told it would be a few months. cue 9 AM phone call from my brother telling me to get my ass to my mom's cos everything just went spinning]
and i have no tact. my poor cousin was sleeping on the couch and i burst out and told her in the most crass way possible. i still feel like a piece of shit about that.
we spent the day at my aunt's and uncle's, which i ended with getting buzzed and telling them what i think and probably offending the nicest people on the planet.
the funeral was planned for my birthday, until i turned into a 3 year old and randomly started bawling about it.
it has really been the greatest few days.
i feel so empty and sad, i can hardly breathe.
and i can't fix anything, and i can't make anyone feel anything other than sadness and it's killing me and i HATE IT.
i'm going to miss him so much.
my heart is swelling up and trying to burst out of my chest, i can feel it.
i'm just so so so sad. i don't know what to do with myself except stare off into space. so that's what i shall do.