i think i need to utilize this more as a journal. not many people read this anymore, and i need an outlet of some kind, so why not? it's so weird to me that no one uses this anymore. it was like a phase that we all went through at the exact same time, and then shifted out of at the exact same time. growing up happens in panels, it seems. one panel opens,lifts and shifts and lets another through. like a giant obstacle course. and then one day, this panel that i'm in right now will open and lift and shift and a completely new one will come through the hole and change everything all over again. the shifting is so subtle i don't notice it until the change is complete. it's crazy that way.
i was talking with brett the other day about how different things are from a mere five years ago when we first met. a measly three years ago, things were VASTLY different. we had been dating for about 9 months, and we took a road trip across the country to his sister's wedding. we barely made it there and back, we were so broke. once we got to our destination, we basically lived off of his mother's genorosity, the fact that there is always free food associated with weddings, and my 50 dollar wal-mart card that i had randomly [thankfully] stashed in my purse. both of our accounts were overdrawn, and i wasn't getting paid until the day that we were to head back. we bought food at walmart that we could make in the microwave in our hotel room, and tried to be careful about driving around. it was so lame!!! here i was, 22, and i couldn't even feed myself. so much has changed since then, it's crazy. 3 years sounds like a short time, but it's really so long. SO LONG. everything is different. not bad, just different. better actually. life is so funny. it is constantly teaching me things and i don't even realize it. at least i figure it out sooner or later. most of the time.